Prince Update ~ 18 January 2013: “Rest: sometimes what we best need is ….”
More and more, Prince is either plastered to my side nudging me to pet him or touch him OR he’s nesting away from me. I’m now keeping a comforter on the floor in the laundry room where he retreats to. The brown or tan elements you see on him in the first photo in his “Prince cave” are food crumbs. I’m often feeding him there, or bringing him food wherever he is. I keep joking with Karen that I feel like a stereotypical “Italian mom” .. saying “mangia mangia” … eat eat.
Sometimes he looks at me and it’s clear he’s saying, “Can’t a boy just rest, mom?” I’ve heard the term “helicopter mom”; I’m beginning to feel like I embody that as well. I’ve often used the term “take the thermometer out of my a**” syndrome when someone keeps taking the temperature of what’s going on.
Realizing Prince is beginning to slip away more and more, it’s difficult not wanting to soak up every single morsel of time with him. I’ve also always been an active person, even internally and even when my auto-immune disease I’ve had for 24 years is keeping my body “down”.
Prince is teaching me and I’m finally getting the lesson after decades of trying to just “rest”. Rest is a needed part of keeping ourselves in balance.
I can lose the internal judgments about doing so; as well as the concern that people might be judging. I’ve never had a fear of death, at all. I’ve had cores beliefs that we all have an agreement with God/the Universe with when we transition from physical body. I also believe when we transition from physical body, our soul energy is felt by those we’ve left behind. I mean … I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt like some of my beloved cats just walked into a room .. yet they had died. I used to feel my brother a lot after he died in 1992 at the age of 27; and my dad who died in 2003.
A concept I’ve been struggling with as it triggers my own fears is watching the progress of a being as they slowly slip away and their body starts to decline. In twenty-four years of having been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (www.SolveCFS.org), my physical activity has been affected although I’ve only had a couple of small flares and JUST came off a year-long flare. When I have “bad” health days and certainly having just had a year of being mostly homebound, I worry … “is this the time I won’t recover” … “if I don’t recover, who would ever want to be with me or in my life” …. “what if I never recover and I end up all alone as I see so many people are” …..
Walking with Prince and Blaze through their journeys (although Prince’s is more poignant due to his age) gives me a chance to face my own fears head-on and build my trust in the Universe more. Yet another gift from my boy Prince. <3 <3