Prince Update ~ 8 January 2014: “Connect”
Last Updated: 04 December 2016 by Dachshund Mafia in Hospice + Illness & Injury + Prince + Senior Stories + Woofings
All dogs are pack animals; yet Dachshunds in particular are. There’s a great lesson in how we all inter-relate. My dogs think of me as “just another dog”, albeit head of the pack.
In nature, when one of the pack as ill, the mourning would likely be quick. There’s mostly time to be “in the present”. Yet that cohesiveness of the pack is important to survival. Usually a wolf on its own does not survive, or not for long. It’s such a great lesson for each of us.
We have one difference, though, between us and wolf packs. Usually most animals would not show a weakness, for obvious reasons. Likely would make them vulnerable to death. Too often as humans we consider showing our emotions as a weakness. I believe that sharing our emotions is about sharing ourselves. It says to the other, I value myself enough to be willing to connect with another; and I am willing to trust that you will treat how I am feeling with care. This goes for feelings such as “happy” as well as feelings such as “sad”; the full spectrum.
The way we can connect is by sharing who we really are. This entails knowing ourselves. I’m looking to find the balance of living in the present of how I’m feeling about Prince, and Blaze. I find my moods fluctuating with how Prince is doing .. is he eating, is he getting sick, is he drinking water, what does his stool look like …. ?
I’ve been fortunate to have a number of people reach out; some are people I chat with daily, some periodically, and some are old friends I’m catching up with. Everyone is wonderfully accepting of where I am, in that moment. Each day which passes it’s getting a bit more difficult to stay centered and not worry if “today” is the “beginning of the end” as Prince is eating less, sleeping more, clearly has upper GI bleeding based on his stool which is triggering his anemia so the iron shot has made little difference. Or, if it has, it’s not that noticeable.
I am grateful for all who PM me, who share her, who read, who connect. Thank you. <3 <3
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Prince Update ~ 7 January 2014: “Go with the flow”
Last Updated: 04 December 2016 by Dachshund Mafia in Hospice + Illness & Injury + Love + Prince + Senior Stories + Woofings
My Prince’s Gift: “Go with the flow.”
Today was generally a good day, as a couple of different friends asked me tonight. I find it odd that my life seems to be mostly about how mostly Prince and Blaze do on a particular day. I am fortunate in that I am home with them, even if that’s been tied to my own health.
Perhaps it’s the cold, perhaps it’s more; yet today was a low energy day for Prince. It started with him vomiting three times on the way to our morning vet appointment. I feel scared when Prince vomits in the morning, and he’s had nothing to eat yet. I’m wrestling with what treatment am I willing to do for him, what am I not?
Meaning, I made an agreement with Prince that I would let him choose what he wants done, and respect that. Some of it’s easy to tell. He made the decision weeks ago he was not willing to get Sub-Q fluids even once daily, let alone twice daily. Nor was he willing to do Sub-Q pain meds. I am amazed each day that not only is Prince still in physical body; he’s also quite energetic as his holistic vet pointed out when Prince decided, muzzle or not, to try to get his vet.
Sometimes I wonder what keeps him going. I’ve been told he has something yet to accomplish with/for me, as well as “a man”; there were no details on this last part. As I’ve heard about Prince as has my best friend Karen has who is dealing with her one cat “Abby” who may have IBD or cancer .. some would question spending anything else on a dog who is going to die.
In Prince’s case, my sincere hope is that he will drop dead doing something he loves, such as w-a-l-k-ing or playing with a toy. That would surely be more humane than slowly starving until his kidneys and other organs start to shut down, then having to euthanize him. He got an acupuncture treatment as well as an iron shot. Both will help with energy; yet at some point neither will have much effect.
It may even be these were the last treatment for each of these. Time will tell. The whole topic raises some interesting questions.
I imagine people who aren’t “animal people” might wonder why not just put the “animal” to sleep now. Well, because it’s not time yet .. Prince is still full of life, albeit his energy was low today. In fact, most days I wonder if today will be the “beginning of the end” or is it “just a bad day”. This is why it’s important to be in touch with ones reality, and ones feelings. I
‘ll know when it’s time for Prince to transition out of his physical body. Today he still ate, wanted to walk, wanted to snuggle, wanted life. Likely due to the cold as well, and getting up earlier than I am used to, for Prince’s vet appointment, it was a low energy day for mommy as well. That’s even with a yummy nap with the kids.
Well I guess my day really started with waking up with Blaze in my arms, then once again, pooping in bed.
Tonight, I recommended the movie “Message in a Bottle” to a friend who is still grieving the loss of his human love. This movie I first saw the night before Spikes, my heart & soul kitty disappeared for a few days. By the time I found him three days later, he had slipped into a coma from which he never recovered. Still, almost fifteen years later, I can barely speak about him without pain. I found this page on quotes from the movie. Much of what is on this page is poignant; particularly if you’ve seen the movie multiple times as I have. I’ll leave each of you to determine what your favorite is. Mine has often been Catherine’s letter.
Well, the flow of the day, now that Prince has snuggled up under mommy’s leg, the feel of his warm body and soft fur reminding me to savor our moments together … I may cry.
Or, perhaps, I’ll fall to sleep with a warm comforting presence, a slight smile on my face as I think of these words from the movie, “It is at moments like these that I know my what my purpose is in life. I am here to love you, to hold you in my arms, to protect you. I am here to learn from you and to receive your love in return. I am here because there is no other place to be.” <3 <3
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Prince Update ~ 6 January 2014: “Face reality”
Last Updated: 04 December 2016 by Dachshund Mafia in Hospice + Illness & Injury + Love + Prince + Training + Woofings
My Prince’s Gift: “Face reality.”
I wasn’t ready to write more on “Face reality” last night. I could give myself a hard time about it; or I could just accept it. Some of it’s because I suspect I’m going to cry; and I haven’t done much of that in weeks and weeks. Frankly, I’ve spent a lot of time crying up until this past Thanksgiving Day, starting in early November 2011 when I got Shingles which lasted for three months.
Then, my spiritual growth went into overdrive. Everything had finally started to settle in when Tuna was diagnosed with a form of COPD/CHF in February, and was gone weeks later 19 April. He was only fourteen, and had been in near perfect health his entire life. Then Tiffany, his mother, went 5 July, at the age of seventeen. For months, with both of those and with Blaze, home had been a bit of a hospice scenario.
Blessedly, I have on top of all this, I triggered the only flare of this nature I’ve had with the auto-immune disease (www.SolveCFS.org) I’ve had since first diagnosed in 1990. When this message came up yesterday of “Face reality”, I wanted to have it read, “Face reality head-on”. Yet I realized, it doesn’t really matter how we face reality.
What’s important is that we face it … head-on, or sideways, or backwards, or like we’re sliding into home base, or lightly such as a dragonfly gliding on the warm California winds.
The reality for me is that Prince is going to die. He’s going to transition from his physical body sooner than I ever thought. He’s going to die of something I never conceived of. I often had fears about his back going out as he has a few weaknesses he came into rescue with.
This wonderful, amazing trusting boy who has taught me so much of life isn’t going to be my companion in life for many more years to come. ~the tears start, especially as I’m listening to the playlist of music I put together when Prince’s diagnosis of “stomach cancer” was confirmed.
When he first came into rescue with “Senior Wiener”, it wasn’t known Prince had a behavioral issue, “biting”. He didn’t bite lightly either; and it seemed mostly targeted towards women. I worked with him for months, or maybe it was a year or longer. Well, maybe it’s that Prince worked with me. He taught me to really “listen” to him, to respect the boundaries he put up. If I didn’t, the consequences were usually immediate, and heart-rending.
I would be bit. Then, I’d see the look on Prince’s face and feel his fear.
It was clear that he didn’t mean it. I’ve often explained his biting to neighbors and visitors as an automatic reaction comparable to how a friend’s autistic son would start to scream when he got on overwhelm. Prince learned, over time, how to manage this for himself more and more; yet sometimes it would take over.
Some of the realities about Prince’s treatment is that he needs a muzzle to be seen by the vet and to be near most people. Hence, I can’t make him do any treatment he doesn’t want. Since mid-November, I’ve been bit 6-8 times which is more than I’ve been bit in at least three years combined. Currently, I can’t type very well as my index finger which got bit last night is infected. I’ve been soaking it on and off all day, which seems to be helping.
I could care less about the biting. I hate hate hate seeing my boy start to waste away. He’s always been so full of life. He LOVED becoming part of a family. He’s always been so eager to please. It’s why it was relatively easy to help him move out of his fear in life to become the loving, vivacious, energetic boy he’s been.
The joy and love emanating from him when he saw that he what he did pleased me, was tangible. Prince is laying above the comforter under the blankets, ON my feet. Lately he has to be touching me, almost every chance he can. Maybe he’s picking up I need that. Tuna went so fast, then Tiffany, and I was quite ill myself, I missed my chance to soak up every moment I can.
In the meantime, I am not the only one going through something painful. Across the world, many are in pain over some loss, or impending loss. My friend Laura Bradshaw (now Roggendorf) at Healing HEART Sanctuary has lost 6 or so animals in a year. Senior Wiener has lost a number in the past year, and he now has two who have cancer in addition to losing Prince, through me.
I have friends who are going through huge internal changes, and are having to lose who they used to be in order to move forward in life. A friend here who lost his love when she went to sleep at a friend’s house one night, and died in her sleep, in her 40s.
What Prince is giving me as a gift is life experience in holding the space of “both/and”. We usually live in duality of “either/or”. I’m sad he’s leaving, so I must be sad. My REALITY, or our REALITY .. Prince’s and mine, is that I am sad he will be leaving me AND I am loving and enjoying and savoring every emotion, every experience we are going through together.
He’s teaching me more about .. just living life .. as it comes. I am a lucky lucky woman and mother, in that regard. Thank God both Senior Wiener and as a result, Prince came into my life. It’s much been richer as a result. <3 <3
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Prince Update ~ 5 January 2014: “Be grateful”
Last Updated: 04 December 2016 by Dachshund Mafia in Hospice + Illness & Injury + Love + Prince + Woofings
My Prince’s Gift: “Be grateful”.
I didn’t quite get to our post for last night as I got seduced and lured into snuggling with the yummiest guy … well, it may have been guys and a girl. Nonetheless, pups needed mommy’s undivided attention.
Each time I went to type “Be grateful” .. I typed “Be greatful”. Finally I had to look it up …. as it seemed that maybe there was another message than what I had originally been hearing. This is my favorite part of the definition: “wonderful; first-rate; very good”.
One thing I’ve been learning from the experience Prince and I are sharing is everything I’ve tried to learn for at least the past 25 years: “one day at a time”, “plan plans, not outcomes”, “be in the present”.
If I spent every day thinking about how Prince “will be” dying, “will be” dead, “may suffer before he dies” … I would miss enjoying every minute I can with him. Plus with Blaze, Missy, Celt, Bellissimo the cockatiel, etc.
I find it fascinating how I’ve been trying to learn these lessons, not just intellectually yet really live them, have them as part of my way of being, part of my soul … and Prince’s gift to me is doing just this.
I am grateful for him in my life plus for Senior Wiener who brought him into my life … and for every moment with Prince, even when it’s been rough. I think many people would be surprised at how happy and centered I often am, even when dealing with the inevitabilities of Prince’s condition. <3 <3
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Prince Update ~ 4 January 2014: “Love comes in all forms”
Last Updated: 04 December 2016 by Dachshund Mafia in Hospice + Illness & Injury + Love + Prince + Senior Stories + Woofings
My Prince’s Gift: “Love comes in all forms”.
I like the saying about how “love is an action verb” or more than just words. The concept which I am learning to embody, thanks to Prince is that “love is words and actions”; hence, all forms.
In one day, I’ve experienced … it’s about trusting myself and Prince to bring him into my arms in a way he has NEVER snuggled before. It was sheer bliss, the sweetest most intimate moment .. moment after moment while we returned to sleep, then eventually woke up. I remember the touch of his fur against me, his scent; I love that Dachshund musky scent.
The trust he demonstrated in my arms was palpable. Or perhaps it was that I was willing to trust Prince and to trust my own heart that I could open myself up, make myself that vulnerable, and when we no longer have this “in the moment”, I will not crack or fall apart. Rather, we will flow seamlessly into that moment, whatever it holds.
The rest of the day was a cold, rainy day here in Florida. It was spent snuggling on the couch. One way I demonstrated my love was to warm up a comforter and lay it out for the kids. Prince has been shivering a lot. I didn’t mind that I kept overheating, I merely took off my sweater. Blaze and I snuggled, as did Blaze and Prince.
Sometimes we express our love in saying “no”. Today it was, “umm, no” to Missy and Celt that they cannot have a snack every time Prince “gets” to eat. If I did that, I would end up with dogs that are overweight. How would my allowing that express my love? For more on pet obesity, check out Obie’s story although his situation was not intentional.
In fact, sometimes the kindest things we can do is to set boundaries and stick to them, in spite of intense pressure to give in. My Prince’s Gift to me of late is teaching me how to allow another living being to make their own decisions about life, and death; and how to do so graciously and with gratitude.
Isn’t that what I would want for myself? This isn’t to say that I won’t be broken when Prince and Blaze transitions. That will be my truth.
Their truth is they deserve making their own choices. Allowing another living being to make their own choices while also speaking and standing for my own truth is a lesson I am learning. <3 <3
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Prince Update ~ 3 January 2014: “Enjoy the simple things”
Last Updated: 04 December 2016 by Dachshund Mafia in Hospice + Illness & Injury + Love + Prince + Senior Stories + Woofings
My Prince’s Gift: “Enjoy the small things”.
Today was completely different than yesterday. I was gone for six hours, and I felt like I imagine perhaps new mothers may feel when they leave their newborn for the first time. This is the longest I’ve been away from Prince’s and Blaze’s sides for weeks. Mommy got her hair trimmed, and it had been over a year.
There was an interesting metaphor in this. I usually get my hair done in Northern California yet I haven’t been “home” there since October 2012. The longest I’ve been away perhaps since 1982. The hairdresser I’ve used here, who was wonderfully recommended by Jillian Poland cut off the part that wasn’t healthy anymore; where it had gotten so thin it grew to a point.
The metaphor came to me that sometimes we need to “cut off” or let go of what doesn’t work for us anymore. We’re often afraid of change, yet by releasing what’s not serving us, we are lighter and healthier and happier. My hair was and I loved that my hairdresser enjoyed running her fingers through my new healthy hair; my hair loved it as well. 🙂
I did some window shopping and popped into a store I had seen for years at the beach ~ www.cottagebytheseaonline.com. I love how the Universe works. One of the women there shared how she lost two of her dogs within two weeks of each other, right before Christmas one year. Reminded me I really hope people start to share their own stories on My Prince’s Gift’s page here. Please.
Prince loves being part of a family and this is a way to honor him. Another woman there has two long-haired Dachshunds. She noticed my Dachshund purse. I have tons of Dachshund stuff I’ll be putting up online this weekend, all new and looking for their own homes.
Then, the biggest news is that Prince is eating again. I haven’t talked much about this and I’m going to make a specific post on this as it’s a core issue on Prince’s prognosis. One thing I did learn is to listen to my intuition when it comes to how much to feed Prince at one time. More on that later.
Lastly, it’s with deep sadness I share that Senior Wiener found out today that two of his seniors have cancer as well. Cindy Lou has lymphoma while Paulie had stomach cancer as well which is quite unusual to me as less than 1% of malignant cancers are stomach cancer, and here we have two. 🙁
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Prince Update ~ 2 January 2014: “Be where you are”
Last Updated: 04 December 2016 by Dachshund Mafia in Hospice + Illness & Injury + Love + Prince + Senior Stories + Woofings
My Prince’s Gift: “Be where you are.”
Today was a rough day. It started out waking up early with Blaze possibly having had a mini-stroke or seizure or he had managed to get to the other side of the bed and was having a dream; he had peed in bed. Usually he sleeps RIGHT NEXT up to mommy. Later, when we all got up, Prince vomited, a lot, before breakfast. Given he’s not eating a lot and hadn’t had anything this morning, it possibly means his stomach is breaking down more.
Nonetheless, I managed to get a lot done today that’s been lingering for a while. A few representatives of companies I was calling ended up getting to listen to me snorkle through a call as in a couple of times when I was asked “How are you”, I’d burst into tears. It was also interesting how connecting it was to hear how many people talked about losing their own pets.
One of my favorite articles that is about allowing yourself to “be where you are” is “Prayer of the Body”.
I let myself cry when I needed to, laughed when I did, and just flowed with what my body and soul needed. What causes many of our issues is that we’re not okay with being where we are. If you can accept where you are; there’s less internal resistance. When we keep fighting what’s going on with us; we get sick.
Spent part of the evening listening to the playlist I am making for Prince. This is one song that particularly resonated with me.
Interesting lesson from a boy who is sick himself, and dying. <3 <3
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Prince Update ~ 1 January 2014: Happy New Year
Last Updated: 04 December 2016 by Dachshund Mafia in Hospice + Love + Prince + Woofings
My Prince’s Gift: Today was a reminder to be gentle with oneself. It’s been a rough and busy few days. More tomorrow on it as Prince is calling me to bed, as he lulled me into a nap today by lying on my chest and insisting we sleep.
