Prince Update ~ 17 January 2014: “Respect, like love, is an action word”
I made an agreement with Prince when this all started that I would respect and honor his choices.
I’m fortunate in that he and I are so connected, I easily “hear” what Prince is saying to me. When I’m not listening, he finds other ways to let me know what he wants, or doesn’t. Such as when he wants to sleep between the comforter and blanket, he’ll tip his nose up versus going under the comforter to be next to me. I’m also fortunate in that I have friends who can also communicate with Prince, and provide verification of what I am hearing.
Weeks ago Prince made it clear that he did NOT want Sub-Q fluids once or twice a day, Sub-Q pain shot up to three times a day, or any medications as he stopped eating if I gave him the meds. I had them made into a liquid yet he also has refused that. I made the decision not to force anything as I have to muzzle him for the Sub-Q fluids and pain shot. One night, he was like a child is at the doctor’s office … he was almost hysterical. I took the muzzle off, and like a child who had a bad experience at the doctor’s office, when Prince collapsed in my lap, it was almost as if he was a child who had a bad “shot” experience and was sobbing. Eventually he fell asleep across my lap, exhausted. I sat there for a long time, until my legs were almost numb.
It’s one thing to say we’ll respect someone else’s wishes, especially in this type of circumstance … he’s dying. It’s another to know if he’d at least take the pain meds, he’d feel better. My Prince will still be dying, yet in somewhat more comfort. Although as I type this, does that concept really exist, or to what degree … “more comfort”. I know with the auto-immune disease I’ve had for 24 years (www.SolveCFS.com); I have odd reactions to medications and many pain meds either don’t work, or they make me sick. So when I had Shingles for three months; I barely took any medications as nothing was really working, and most made me sick.
How is this any different for Prince? The difference is I have to watch and be “present” to his discomfort. I want to DO SOMETHING … I feel powerless at times. I fool myself that if I could take action on something, I would feel better and so would Prince. Alas, here’s the paradox …. by doing what I am, RESPECTING his food choices, his requests for r-i-d-es, etc. I am “taking action” as “respect, like love, is an action word.”
I trust when the time is right for him to transition from physical body to spirit form only, I will know when the time is right, if he does not pass naturally such as in his sleep. In the meantime, Prince lets me know daily it’s not yet time as he continues to bark, howl, want rides and some walks, bites mommy, snuggles, and goes out to enjoy the sunshine on his still living body.
When all is said and done, what makes him happiest? Lying plastered against mommy or on mommy or across mommy, and me holding him or touching him or lightly and slowly stroking him. That is action I happily do as much as I can. <3 <3