Prince Update ~ 6 February 2014: “Stay connected”
It was a very rough day today; we’re getting closer to the end for Prince.
I’ve been wrestling with the concept of, as we all do, of when do you know it’s time. Unlike most people, I tend to overly conservative and not wanting my kids to suffer. Somehow I’ve always known just when “the time” is.
Since I’ve chosen to be more conscious, more in my body, more connected to my emotions, and I have the physical and spiritual health right now to support this, I’m overly conscientious of the “right timing”. Maybe it’s I have too much energy to second guess myself. With both Tuna last April and than Tiffany in July, I knew. The same is true for the numerous cat children I’ve helped pass, as well as supporting friends.
We started the day with restless sleep last night on both of our parts. Around 5 a.m. Prince woke up, I was totally groggy and almost unable to wake up I had been so deep in sleep. He seemed to have some issues walking, yet than went to get water and outside. I actually wonder if I imagined the problems walking, kind of like a dream. When he hadn’t returned, I went to find him outside just standing.
Perhaps he was enjoying the fresh air; nonetheless I picked him up and brought him to bed. I was fully prepared to bring Prince in today if it was the day he decided it was best to transition out of his body. Yet he did what’s starting to become the “usual” and was energetic of sorts, and showing lots of life.
So why “Stay connected”? If you’re anything like me, when the feelings of sadness, hurt, or fear start to become overwhelming, it’s easy to leave my body, get distracted, and/or get angry .. do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to get out of my feelings. And/or, I may start to isolate and shut down so I can avoid feeling the panic in my body of … “how do I hold these feelings which seem huge”?
Thankfully I’m blessed with amazing support, especially Karen, who reminded me that she and her cats were right here (virtually), not going anywhere, to support me. A favorite article which has helped me through other tough parts of my life. It’s profound. I’m happy to hear any thoughts and/or discuss with anyone.
There was rain part of today. I decided to migrate to the couch so I could get some things done and Prince could easily watch me without having to come back and forth from our bedroom. Eventually I watched two favorite movies which I would recommend to anyone if you haven’t seen them: “The Notebook” and “Sweet November”. I clearly need great “girl movies” which provoke healing tears.
As Prince seems to have defied the odds so far, it could be easy to slip into denial of sorts, and think he’s not really going to die prematurely. As reality comes to slap me awake, I feel the urge to want to escape.
What’s ultimately “doing him in”, besides his own choice to not want extraordinary treatment and/or meds, is the “anemia” on top of the stomach cancer which has spread at least to his lymph nodes. Best we can tell is that Prince’s anemia is coming from a bleeding ulcer. Since Prince wouldn’t continue with any treatment for that, as he loses blood, even in minute amounts, his body is not producing healthy red blood cells to keep up with his body’s oxygen needs. Instead of creating fully oxygenated red blood cells, Prince is creating only immature red blood cells. The last iron shot did very little to help provide him the “raw material” needed to create healthy red blood cells.
On a bigger spiritual level, all of this is merely part of his path and mine, and perhaps that of those of us who have joined us on this journey. My goal is to stay “present” to the lessons Prince has been providing me. Oh, speaking of … one thing came to mind as I finished typing this. We often think of how we try to escape “sad” or “negative” feelings.
People are often just as likely to try to escape or minimize what we would consider “happy” feelings as most of us don’t know how to allow joy to sustain in our lives.
Not the artificial feelings we get say from a Starbucks Frappucinno or sugar or alcohol or drugs or a new relationships or sex, etc. Not any of those things we use to escape with, while often wanting to escape from that as well. I’m talking about the real joy of knowing the truth of a situation, or experiencing the rainbow like I did yesterday, or of being in love and still being scared, or a newborn baby, or the joy of sustaining a relationship.
Prince is teaching me all of this, in such a short amount of time. I’m grateful for the time to absorb the gifts he’s given me, and the ones that will continue after he transitions. <3 <3